Spring Break
No Sex (In the Gothic Reading Room)
back in braff
By: Brandon Curl
Issue date: 4/16/08 Section: Columns
Last update: 4/16/08 at 8:01 AM EST
Last update: 4/16/08 at 8:01 AM EST
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If I could only give you one piece of advice it would be that no matter what a senior boy tells you, there is no sex in the Gothic Reading Room.
None.
Oh, there are gargoyles in the Gothic Reading Room. And books. But you don't want to read books. You want sex.
But there is no sex in the Gothic Reading Room. None. Use the stacks instead.
The long-term benefits of avoiding sex in the Gothic Reading Room have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliability other than my own meandering experience. But I will dispense this advice anyway now:Enjoy the power and beauty of your freshman year.
Nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your freshman year until you have become a sophomore. But trust me, in three years you will look back at Facebook photos of yourself and wonder, "Why did I let her tag that drunken, naked photo of me? I need to get a job."
Don't worry about the future. Unless you got a job at Bear Stearns. Then be terrified.
Your GPA doesn't matter... if your last name is Bostock.
Eat one thing everyday that scares you. If you eat at the Marketplace, you've got that one covered.
Don't be reckless with other people's cars and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Otherwise, how will you get to Southpoint?
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. Become an art history major instead.
LDOC.
Don't worry about getting into a good fraternity. The most interesting people I know live in Mirecourt. Of course, homeless people are "interesting" too.
Drink.
Be kind to your liver. You'll miss it when it's gone.
Maybe you'll join a fraternity. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be featured in a thread on JuicyCampus.com. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll join Mirecourt. Maybe you'll ride the bull at Shooters at your 75th reunion.
Eat free crackers at the Loop.
Nobody understands the Stick It comic. Not even the guy who draws it. You're not supposed to.
Read The Chronicle even if it's just the sports section.
Do not read your textbooks. They cost too much money and you're likely to pass without them. Your professors are probably just trying to pawn off their own books onto you anyway.
Viewing Comments 1 - 5 of 6
Stick It > all other comics
posted 4/16/08 @ 11:30 AM EST
I %@!%@# love Stick It!
Duke Student
posted 4/16/08 @ 1:14 PM EST
No one understands Stick It, but that's why it is the best comic ever.
And I agree that the manager guy at McDonalds is a pretty cool guy.
One more advice for students: Sometime during your time at Duke, do something random, whatever it may be. (Continued…)
Duke '09
posted 4/16/08 @ 3:20 PM EST
This is really well done, Brandon. Very clever.
For those who don't know, this is modeled after Chris Rock's "No Sex in the Champagne Room." You can find the music video on Youtube. (Continued…)
Duke '79
posted 4/16/08 @ 7:29 PM EST
Geez, it's eeringly similar to my days at Duke, although we didn't have a McDonald's, thank god, or a Bryan Center...... so please be nice to the awesome Mac guy and all other Duke workers who are great people. (Continued…)
Duke '07
posted 4/17/08 @ 12:47 AM EST
Its not on Chris Rock's No Sex in the Champagne Room, its on Baz Luhrmann's "everybody's free" given to the class of 1999, but based on a newspaper article. (Continued…)
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