The Chronicle

Issue date: 3/28/08 Section: Columns
Last update: 3/28/08 at 7:37 AM EST

Tom Segal

My first two years at Duke were a disappointment to say the least. Early exits from the Big Dance certainly cut me deep, but the fact that neither one surprised me somehow cut me deeper.

But this year seemed different. We seemed psyched to play. We were sprinting up and down the court. We were suffocating opponents with the double team, effortlessly shifting on defense and making big steals. We were spreading the ball around the perimeter, always looking to make the extra pass to set up the open three and leaving the paint fairly open to give anyone who chose to penetrate some room to breathe. We were getting dominated on the boards and still spanking teams like a British nanny. It was as if Mike D'Antoni had died his hair black and moved to Durham; we were the Phoenix Suns. Not only were we winning, but it was damn fun to watch.

And then Brian Zoubek came back from injury, and it all went to crap.

With Big Z in the game, our entire strategy changed. He can't run, so the fast break took a hit. He's lost on defense, so the double team wasn't as effective. He is the definition of a lane-clogger on offense, so our cuts to the hoop were greatly cut down.

He seems to be good at only a few things. Holding the ball below his waist after a rebound, for instance. He's great at that, often giving the opponent ample opportunity to strip the ball. The wide-open fade-away bank lay-up, he's got that guy down pat. I know what you're thinking-he's 7-foot-1, shouldn't he be dunking the ball if he's wide open? Well, you see, even at such an imposing height, one must jump in order to dunk, and as we all know, Zoubie was born without the ability to jump.

And let's not forget his specialty: The Big Z Shuffle. This season, Zoubek broke his own ACC record for travels per second of possession. He also broke Nick Horvath's record for most times a player has been called a "piece of dog poop" by me during the season; another impressive feat considering he only averaged 10 minutes a game and missed nine of them. Just imagine those numbers projected over a full season at 20-plus minutes a game....

Though these stats are not currently recorded by the NCAA, I'm officially starting a campaign to have this changed. Zoubek deserves his recognition.

In all seriousness, it is somewhat remarkable to me how he can't seem to move his feet on defense, and yet he can't seem to keep them from moving on offense. Are we even sure he knows the difference between the two? Perhaps someone should check this out before next season starts.

Continued...

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