2 girls, 1 column
But Seriously
By: Monday, Monday
Issue date: 1/28/08 Section: News
Last update: 1/28/08 at 11:00 PM EST
Last update: 1/28/08 at 11:00 PM EST
Shock sites come in all shapes and perversions, but most include an image or video that is utterly repulsive to all viewers not named Marilyn Manson.
Of course, I would be utterly careless and journalistically incompetent if I did not bring up what may easily be the most famous shock site ever. At least, this is what I told my editor. Not surprisingly, she explained that there would have to be heavy censorship in my discussion of said Web site since this is a video depicting two women -------- and -------- into a cup, then taking turns ---------- the ---------- and ---------- into each others' --------.
The now infamous video has garnered close to 50 million views, while the most recent presidential debate drew a paltry 3.4 million viewers (all partially made-up statistics). Maybe Barack should think about ----------- onto Hillary as she takes a ---------------------- and ----------------- on him.
Look, I don't have to tell you that this video is disgusting-you've probably already seen it multiple times. It contains more gags than the movie "Airplane," more stools than the bar from "Cheers." No, I am not done. This video features more regurgitation than the Scripps National Spelling Bee, more scat than an Ella Fitzgerald concert. Perhaps only Cuba Gooding Jr. has starred in crappier movies. Wait, I've got one more. Let's just say this video gives new meaning to the phrase "potty mouth." Folks, I'll be here all night and remember to tip your waitress.
All joking aside, the question still remains: Why would anyone watch a video that makes him or her throw up, unless, of course, you're Nicole Ritchie? (I think I chose the right celebrity for that punch line.)
Maybe these shock videos are like car wrecks or first round "American Idol" auditions-so awful we cannot turn away. I mean, people (me included) can't wait to tell their friends about these horrifying sites and some of the most popular videos on YouTube are reactions to the "video that must not be named."
Ultimately, I think our sickened yet fascinated attitude toward shock sites suggests that what would be truly shocking today is finding something that actually has a lack of controversy and an absence of outrage. You may say, "Oh, c'mon, it's so simple not to offend someone." Well, this is easier said than done. As I learned with the tenter letter, people tend to get insulted very easily. The lesson here, though, is that we must always keep levels of offensiveness in perspective.
So, in the future if anyone ever does get insulted by a column and feels the need to write a letter, go ahead and write. But also, just log onto the Web and watch a video of a woman stretching ---------- with her hands or view a picture of a man with a ------- perched on his --------. Maybe then you'll reconsider to whom your letter should be addressed.
David Distenfeld did extensive research for this column. Now it's time for him to delete his cookies and empty his cache.
Of course, I would be utterly careless and journalistically incompetent if I did not bring up what may easily be the most famous shock site ever. At least, this is what I told my editor. Not surprisingly, she explained that there would have to be heavy censorship in my discussion of said Web site since this is a video depicting two women -------- and -------- into a cup, then taking turns ---------- the ---------- and ---------- into each others' --------.
The now infamous video has garnered close to 50 million views, while the most recent presidential debate drew a paltry 3.4 million viewers (all partially made-up statistics). Maybe Barack should think about ----------- onto Hillary as she takes a ---------------------- and ----------------- on him.
Look, I don't have to tell you that this video is disgusting-you've probably already seen it multiple times. It contains more gags than the movie "Airplane," more stools than the bar from "Cheers." No, I am not done. This video features more regurgitation than the Scripps National Spelling Bee, more scat than an Ella Fitzgerald concert. Perhaps only Cuba Gooding Jr. has starred in crappier movies. Wait, I've got one more. Let's just say this video gives new meaning to the phrase "potty mouth." Folks, I'll be here all night and remember to tip your waitress.
All joking aside, the question still remains: Why would anyone watch a video that makes him or her throw up, unless, of course, you're Nicole Ritchie? (I think I chose the right celebrity for that punch line.)
Maybe these shock videos are like car wrecks or first round "American Idol" auditions-so awful we cannot turn away. I mean, people (me included) can't wait to tell their friends about these horrifying sites and some of the most popular videos on YouTube are reactions to the "video that must not be named."
Ultimately, I think our sickened yet fascinated attitude toward shock sites suggests that what would be truly shocking today is finding something that actually has a lack of controversy and an absence of outrage. You may say, "Oh, c'mon, it's so simple not to offend someone." Well, this is easier said than done. As I learned with the tenter letter, people tend to get insulted very easily. The lesson here, though, is that we must always keep levels of offensiveness in perspective.
So, in the future if anyone ever does get insulted by a column and feels the need to write a letter, go ahead and write. But also, just log onto the Web and watch a video of a woman stretching ---------- with her hands or view a picture of a man with a ------- perched on his --------. Maybe then you'll reconsider to whom your letter should be addressed.
David Distenfeld did extensive research for this column. Now it's time for him to delete his cookies and empty his cache.
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